A Happy New Year to Everyone!

The World is Waiting

The death toll is up to 76700. Many more survivors need our help. If there was ever a moment for people to stop what they’re doing and make a difference, it’s now. If you can’t afford to donate a few dollars to the red cross, you can always donate blood. Please find a way to make a difference.

Disaster Relief

If you can, please donate to the red cross to help victims of the tsunami/earthquake in Asia. Any amount will help.

Red Cross (Canada)
Red Cross (USA)

Forgiving and Forgetting is Easier Than You Think
(New Order’s Retro Box Set)

in the same old haunts, I still find my friends

I must apologize for the lack of blogging lately. I’ve had a lot on my plate at work the past month. Hopefully I’ll make it all up with this great joke I came up with while sitting on the can the other day...

What do you call a priest/clergy that doesn’t care? -- An irreverend.

Well?...Didn’t I tell you I’d make it up to you? Don’t rush out and tell all your friends this joke quite yet, dwell on it a little bit, it gets funnier the more you think about it.

You know, it’s quite disappointing that I can’t work at home because a lot of my greatest thoughts come while sitting on the toilet.
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Quick movie review…

House of Flying Daggers = House of Flying Crap
Starring the overly dramatic Andy Lau and hot temptress Zhang Zhi-Yi (sp?)
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I think that sometimes in looking behind us and worrying about things that have already happened in the past, we miss the things that are right in front of us. Don’t dwell on lost time, regrets and jaded memories. A new year is just around the corner and nothing sparks the rebirth of a spirit like hope for the future.

Here’s wishing that everyone has a Happy New Year!

Lick My Pummelo
(PVD - For An Angel)

1 foot of snow; freezing rain; a broken windshield wiper; a report overdue; xmas shopping yet to be started. Bloody f*ckin hell, I'm having a miserable day.

I know it sounds kinda dirty but I could eat a plump juicy pummelo right now.

Do you smell something burning?
(The Shins – Caring is Creepy)

Monday mornings are dreadful. It’s like I have to crank start my brain every Monday and it keeps making this weird gitcha, gitcha sound followed by the smell of something burning. It’s foul. I’m foul.
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A discussion with a coworker today about her promotion and a recent organizational announcement...

Me - How come John didn’t say anything about YOU going into your new role with the company?
Coworker - That was a pretty incomplete announcement. There is definitely one other position he was supposed to mention that wasn’t on there. Communication in this company really sucks.
Me - You should start up a Communications Justice League. You could be Captain Communication.
Coworker - No thanks.
Me - How about Lieutenant Let’s Talk?
Coworker - It’s not the title that’s turning me off. Just because I need/want to communicate doesn’t mean others need/want to as well. It would be like banging my head against a wall...I have no interest in such a job. Mine has enough frustrations already! :)
Me - Yeah but you’d get to wear a cape or a mask. Plus you’d get a cool name like Heroin Heart to Heart.
Coworker - I’m not interested in dress up…or having a cool name. I’m ok with being just plain old me. :P
Me - Plain you is boring. You need to storm into a room and show off your communication powers while wearing a cape and your underwear over tights. Now that would add some excitement to the office!
Coworker - I don’t have a problem if people find me boring. But if you want excitement in the office, why don’t you try on the cape and tights?
Me - I’ll let you know when I start the IT Justice League. I’m still working on my name. I’ve narrowed it down to Computer Crusader and Dr. Database!
Coworker – Revisit the name thing...those aren’t very exciting. And Dr. usually indicates a bad guy...I thought you were supposed to be a good guy.
Me - Obviously you don’t know anything about comics. Dr. Strange was a good guy. Dr. Doom on the other hand was a bad guy. It depends on what you put behind the name. Usually the bad guys have BAD names like Dr. EVIL or Dr. DOOM or Dr. DREAD. Dr. Database is hardly ominous.
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My dog’s eye is better. We took him to the vet and the vet said he had an eye infection. The vet prescribed him some ointment and like Snoop Dog, I dropped it like it’s hot 3 times daily.
My mom had previously suggested we give him regular eye drops that doctors prescribe to humans for red eye. Considering as a kid, she killed her dog by giving him Aspirin for his supposed cold – I declined. Did I mention my mom is an RN? You’re in good hands with Canadian Healthcare :)

Check it out, the new map of N. America.

Sorry, I can't make it in today, I've come down with something very serious.
(Saint Etienne - The Way I Fell For You)

Recently people have been asking me when I plan to get married. The question I suppose, isn’t too shocking and surprising considering I’m 28 and all my friends are knotted, or in the process of tying the knot. The key word in the question though is plan. For as long as I’ve known, I’ve always been taught to plan ahead and to plan for the future.

But the kicker is nothing ever goes as planned.

So my response to these people is that marriage is something I don’t think you can plan and that I hope to one day wake up and be stricken by the marriage bug. Since nothing I do goes as planned, I hope to have an unplanned wedding.

I think Sonia’s parents will be thrilled to hear that.
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I have great friends who are extremely supportive and stand by me through thick and thin. This Christmas I’d like to thank every one of them!

Especially Vi, who was kind enough to say this to me the last time we spoke…

"oh Khiem, everytime I think of you, I always want to suggest intensive psychotherapy"

You guys are the best!
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I was reading through some of my old blogs from last September and I wanted to revive this one...

Here are the 7 Jeopardy categories that define me…
1) Sports and more sports.
2) Reading and writing are fun.
3) The sound of music.
4) The passive aggressive war of 2002/2003.
5) A generation without faith.
6) Comfort "zone".
7) Two roads diverged in the woods and I got lost.

What are the 7 categories that define you?

You're short of breath, is it a heart attack?
(PSB – Can You Forgive Her)

As quickly as the divorce drama unfolded at my house with my parents, it has somehow wrapped itself up again and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. My dad has somehow accepted his "lost sovereignty" status and has resorted to redirecting his resentment and bitterness by redoing our kitchen floors.

For some reason or another I have a feeling this drama is going to unfold again come Christmas.

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Speaking of Christmas...I'm asking Santa for a baby brother. Don't screw me over old man!

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I love Christmas. I can understand the crowds at the mall; the crying kids; the angry parents looking for that last tickle me Elmo; and the bad drivers in snow; but what the fuck is up with people and their crazy holiday outfits? Is there any other season or occasion when it’s cool to wear bright green and red sweaters with Frosty the snowman or Rudolph the reindeer on the front? People always complain that my white socks don’t match my black dress pants (I'm way too tired in the morning to be running around looking for socks to match my pants) but hello, your sweater doesn’t match ANYTHING.

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Ok...your sweater doesn’t match anything EXCEPT wrapping paper!
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I think my dog has an eye infection. His left eye is all red. I’m going to take him to the vet tomorrow to have it checked out. Hopefully it’s not too serious and it doesn’t cost me an arm and a leg to have it checked out.

Imagine how badass it would be if the vet gave him an eye patch! Next Halloween we could dress up as Captain Hook and Muffin, his badass dog!

It’s always the kids that lose when it comes to divorce, especially the 28 year old kids.
(Weezer – The Sweater Song)

My parents are divorced but my dad doesn’t know it. Apparently my mom has filed for divorce over a year ago and she has put down on her tax forms that her status is divorced. My dad however, has never seen these forms until this year and he has never signed any divorce papers. Now he wants me to figure out how my mom can file a divorce without his signature. So I’m running back and forth between my parents relaying questions and messages. Did I mention my parents are 50+ years old?

I have such disdain for people who dump their baggage on other people.

After inquiring with my mom about the issue, I get next to no information and I tell my dad that he’ll have to call a divorce lawyer to discuss how it all works. Now my dad is saying that I’m siding with my mom and I’m not standing up to my mom for him. He rants and raves about how he’s lost sovereignty in this family. Sovereignty? Is this family some sort of country now? If we were, we’d make Iraq look like a well-established democracy. To top this all off, he’s threatening to go back to Vietnam to live a life of solitude once everything is resolved. Frankly, if this keeps up I might beat him to it.

Hi, my name is Khiem and I have a dysfunctional family.

We had too much time to find for ourselves.
(Pet Shop Boys – Being Boring)

Here’s a very witty little story…possibly an old wives tale, an urban myth, shameless spam or all of the above...but regardless, very witty.
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The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, " it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you”, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct ... leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God." This student received the only full marks for the bonus question.
...

That brings back some sweet memories of university...

- skipping morning classes because you were up all night bowling at 24 hr bowling alley that offered a rate of $2/game
- starting your weekends on Wednesday nights
- $200 all-you-can-drink karaoke bar, followed by bowing to the all-you-can-puke porcelain god
- 48 - 72 hr exam cram sessions to try and pass a course you only attended sporadically (because some hot girl you knew was going to be there)
- stealing bus shelter posters of the latest Guess girl and being chased by cops through the neighborhood while you cling onto the poster like a suitcase full of diamonds
- crazy keg parties
- staying up late talking to friends that now only talk to you if they happen to be getting married, having a baby or want you to be the father of their baby
- living on frozen foods, instant noodles, kraft dinner and kool-aid
- copying labs from previous years and still taking 6 - 10 hours to do so (editing to match with your set of data)
- meeting new people on a daily basis
- chocolate covered coffee beans
- dancing at clubs with reckless abandon
- drinking with reckless abandon
- living life with reckless abandon

I could go on but maybe you can add to this list...

Toronto ranked #1 in bicycle theft. Growing concerns about cone theft.


Inside.


Pull my finger.


ahahaha...

Bad Intelligence
(New Order - Blue Monday)

Bloggity, blog, blog...buh-log.

Duddy Dan’s bday was just this past weekend. We partied like we were 20 yr old university students. Re-living our glory days? – possibly. Fun was had by all. Especially Danny boy who wore an orange pylon on his head, rode a locked up bicycle, broke his zipper with it fully zipped up and played with live lobsters at Rolsan’s.

Interesting twist to the weekend...

Dan had two friends from Houston, TX visiting. One of them turned out to be a good high school friend of my ex (thanks for the warning Dan…bad intelligence…bad, bad intelligence). It was a bit odd to be reminded of someone I’ve put behind me over a year ago. Regardless, I still had fun and the past is still the past. It’s just crazy how small the world is.
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Christmas is almost here...I can almost feel my spirit lifting...
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Today’s delusion of grandeur...

I wish I had the power to turn every piece of litter on the streets into 100 pieces of litter and have them teleported to the house of the person that was responsible for that piece of litter.
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So does anyone think the US is going to act on the global warming reports with Bush at the helm? I mean after all, North America is only responsible for 40% of global warming. The only country part of G7 that has not supported this issue -- those Republicans are such trend setters!!

Burning Bush Part II
(Gwen - What Are You Waiting For)

Americans Flock to Canada's Immigration Web Site

I guess my last post wasn't too far off :$

Burning Bush
(Avril Lavigne - Nobody's Home)

Last night I had a bad dream. I dreamt I was American.
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I propose we open the Canadian border to US political refugees. I'll sponsor John Stewart
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Americans should actually look on the bright side. It can't get much worse and given another 4 years, maybe Bush's trickle down economics will trickle down to the majority of you :)
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I love you Canada!

What's the word, word up!
(Cameo - Word Up)

Now I hate to bring up the topic of remakes and how they're usually so bad, but this recent remake has gotten my boxers in a bunch. Korn's remake of Cameo's "word up", I fart in it's general direction. There are two major reasons why this remake sucks -- you can't do a remake of a Cameo song without paying homage to 1) the red cup over tight pants; and 2) Giordi LaForge as the dancing cop (before he lost his eyesight). You gotta have real balls to dance around wearing a bright red cup over tight pants, and I mean that both figuratively and literally. So unless Korn is ready to grow some balls and do this the right way, I laugh at yet another bad remake!
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This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. And you're here reading my blog. Sad. So Sad. Wait...come back!

Being John Hughes
(The Vines - Get Free)

Is it me or is Julia Stiles this generation’s Molly Ringwald. Here’s the thing that perplexes me about Julia Stiles. She’s obviously not good looking and she’s just an average actor. How is she getting these parts? How many directors and casting agents are getting laid for this to happen?

Here’s my theory – movies like these are directed at teenage girls primarily. Usually they cast a pretty good looking guy as the leading man to attract their audience. Now they don’t have to cast a good looking girl for the leading woman because they know guys are not going to be watching these movies unless they’re being dragged to the movies by their gf’s. So instead, they cast ugly or average looking girls so that the girls watching the movie can feel more adequate about themselves.

Hollywood, I’m so onto you.
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While we’re talking about movies – I saw Team America World Police yesterday. This may be the single most offensive movie I have ever watched. And I’m so ashamed at how hard I laughed. Seriously though, if you are easily offended by stereotypes, vulgarity, gratuitous puppet sex, homophobia and blind patriotism – don’t go see this movie.

Some of the best lines from the movie…

Spottswoode - This could be 1000 times worse than 9/11!
Gary - You mean…
Spottswoode - Yes, I mean 911000

Lisa - Promise me you'll never die.
Gary - You know I can't promise that.
Lisa - Promise me you'll never die and I'll make love to you right now.
Gary - I promise I'll never die.

Kim Jong Il – This will be 2563 times worse than 9/11
Chris – You mean…I don’t even know what that is!?!
Kim Jong Il – That’s right, no one knows what that is.

Gary - But, I thought you weren't gay?
Spottswoode - This isn't about sex, Gary, it's about trust!

Terrorist – You have balls! I like balls!

Spottswoode - There's no "I" in "Team America!"
Intelligence - Yes there is.
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Random thought...

Can you drink holy water? Who would buy holy bottled water if it was available?

Tom and the jizzing brown trout.

Delusions of Grandeur
(The Strokes - What Ever Happened)

I feel a bit concussed right now. I’ve got one of those headaches that’s all-encompassing. My entire head feels like it’s in a fog. When your head is in a fog like this, it’s really hard to focus on anything but yourself. In a way, you could say that selfish people are kind of concussed. I think we all have these moments where we’re so self-absorbed that we neglect everything around us. I’m sorry to those I’ve been concussed to.

Fifteen minutes into my extra-strength Tylenol and my head doesn’t feel any better. Damn you Tylenol for forsaking me!
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Today’s delusion of grandeur involves me having a the ability to stretch my body at will. I could stretch my arm out and bitch slap my dumbass coworker every time she asked a stupid question. I could stretch my legs so I could dunk a basketball. I could stretch my finger to get at those hard to reach boogers.
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Weekend salmon/trout fishing pictures to be posted later today...

My 2nd snowboard.

The Credit River at sunrise.

Salmon die after they spawn.

Fishing on the river.

Autumn colours.

Village Idiots
(The Smiths - How Soon is Now)

Yesterday...

Annoying Coworker – Khiem, come here.
Me – Huh?...what?
Annoying Coworker – Come here!
Me – Why?
Annoying Coworker – Just come here!
Me – (walks over unamused)
Annoying Coworker – Look how big that spider is, kill it!
Me – No, you kill it. (walks away unamused)
Annoying Coworker – You’re a guy, you should kill it!
Me – You’re the one who found it, you should kill it!
Annoying Coworker – I’ll get Nathalie to kill it.
Me – That’s a good idea.

Today…

Annoying Coworker - There’s another bug on the floor in the other room.
Me – Do you walk around the office looking down?
Annoying Coworker – Of course, or else I’d trip over things!
Me – Like what, that spider?
Annoying Coworker – Don’t you watch where you’re going?
Me – Yeah, it’s called peripheral vision.
Annoying Coworker – Well peripheral vision doesn’t see everything.
Me – Well, I figure if It’s going to trip me it has to be something relatively big. I think my peripheral vision can catch that.
Annoying Coworker – Well I like to look where I walk.
Me – Right.

Is it me or does every office have an annoying coworker? Sort of like how every village has an idiot.
...

Hollywood gossip...

I can't believe Aaron Carter broke up with Lindsy Lohan to go out with Hillary Duff. Hello...Lindsy Lohan is wayyy hotter!

I can't believe I just said that. No I'm not a pervert.

Another day, another blog.
U2 - Vertigo

No Exit – this is my life in a nutshell. Sometimes it’s the desolate feeling of not being able to escape my own fate. Other times it’s a reminder that because I can’t always escape, I have to make the best of what I’ve been given. It’s the highs and lows of my life; it’s wanting more for myself but being disappointed when I fall short; it’s knowing that some things are beyond my control and that some things require me to fight for change. It’s this polarity that drives me insane and also drives me to greater heights.

No Exit – this is my blog. Over the past few years of its existence, it has gone through the swings of my life and it will continue to do so. It has documented the comings and goings of fascinating people in my life. It has charted every broken heart; every time I’ve got back on my feet; each time I’ve been annoyed at the state of my simple existence; and the times I’ve sworn I’d never be more alive.

Karla said, "What you perceive of as a vacuum is an earthly paradise – the freedom to, quite literally, line-by-line, prevent yourself from going nonlinear."

She was right.

No Exit – this was where it started and this is where it will likely end but everything in between was something significant. Don’t question it, and don’t dwell on it, but never ever let yourself forget it.

Hump Day
(No Doubt - Sunday Morning)

You came in with the breeze on Sunday morning.
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Last night I slept for 12 hrs. Normally this is a good thing but I woke up and couldn’t move my back. I sleep flat on my back so I don’t know how this might have happened. It might be time for a new bed. I’ve been sleeping on that same bed since my 3rd year in university and the futon is beyond warped. Needless to say, you can add my back to the long list of body parts of mine that have been aching lately. My sprained wrist is still a mess. My jammed thumb still hurts. I haven’t even hit 30 yet. Totally TFD (tres fuckin drag) if you ask me.
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What’s not TFD but rather TFR (totally fuckin rocks), is the fact that this weekend, the boys and I are headed to Montreal for the long weekend. We plan to fish by morning, wander the city by day and tear up the town by night.
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Muffin has come a long way from his days of peeing, pooping and throwing up all over the house. He can now shake hands with either paw depending on which hand you give him. He can sit, lay down and stay. However, he still drinks from the toilet, barks at people that come to our front door and chews on tissues from the garbage.

Here’s a trick he learned on his own.

Whenever Sonia is over, he likes to hump her leg when I hug her. It turns into a really freaky deaky threesome. They say imitation is the biggest form of flattery.

Running With The Wind
(PSB – Yesterday When I Was Mad)

Have you ever been back to you where you grew up after a long absence and not recognize a single thing? Commercial development has replaced all the small town houses and fields that you remember so clearly with big buildings, malls and parking lots. It’s almost as if your memories were erased right before your eyes.

That’s what change does -- it alters the landscape of your own familiarity. It forces you to create new associations between you and your new environment.

We’re approaching that time in our lives where everything and anything could change in a moment’s notice. You can’t see it yet but its presence is overwhelming. It forces you to acknowledge it, if not fear it.

How do you prepare for the winds of change?

GPT - Garage Poker Tour
(New Order - Bizarre Love Triangle)

I do admit to myself that if I hurt someone else, that I'll never know just what we're meant to be.
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So I finally installed Picaso on my computer after the HD failure and now I have picture posting capabilities again. Here's my new poker table I built 2 weeks ago. The picture looks a little fuzzy after Picasso resized it but ah well.

I'm wrong, you're right. I'm short, you're tall. I'm fat, you're thin. I'm ugly, you're beautiful.
(Metric - Wet Blanket)

Dear Ugly Boy,

I am sorry for my last post. I did not mean to be mean. I meant to be blunt. There's a difference I think. You are not the ugliest person I've ever met or seen. Hypothetically speaking though, even if you were, that gave me no right to be as blunt as I was. I am sometimes too unruly for my own good.

I am deeply sorry if I have bruised your self-esteem or hurt your feelings in any way. I hope you can forgive me.

Sincerely,
Shaky
...

Dear Mr. Karma,

I am sorry for my post about Ugly Boy, as you can see from the above. Everyone makes mistakes. I hope I have some bit of redeemable quality in me that would persuade you to ease up on the bad luck you have been giving me. I thought that the slight tweak of my left ankle at basketball on Tuesday was just coincidence but I realize now that in fact you were giving me a warning. I am not only mean but slow, so I hadn't noticed that signal. I know you gave me a second warning by turning on my car engine light Wednesday morning. I got that warning but I was too stubborn to do anything about it. I thought I'd "ride it out", the bad luck.

Spraining my right thumb at volleyball last night was a very malicious thing to do and I know I deserved every bit of it. If it makes you feel better my thumb is black and blue today and there's a good chance I will miss next week's game. After that happened I assumed that you were done with your little lesson since in Asian culture most things happen in 3's. I was wrong. I really didn't enjoy waking up at 3am to deal with a security issue at my workplace last night. How did you know I was on call?

I am waving a white flag as we speak. My intent was never to be mean or to challenge your will. I shall try and refrain from being a jackass in the future. Can we call it even and start all over? I really would like to be friends with you.

Sincerely,
Shaky

The Fast and the Ugly
(The Cranberries - Ridiculous Thoughts)

So I was randomly viewing blogs earlier. I have to admit, blogger's little random blog button at the top right is very enticing. It beckens my name. The only draw back is that occasionally I'll get to a page where the user has tried to be "cute" and design their own page - leaving out the random blog button. Hello...you're breaking my chain of addiction!

So as I was saying, I was randomly viewing blogs and I stumbled across this guy's blog. For the sake of giving him a name to refer to - I will call him Ugly Boy. Now Ugly Boy was astoundingly ugly. So much so that he was blogworthy. Hence this post.

Now before you start saying that I'm mean. I just want to say, I know. Being mean is a totally underrated art these days and I'm trying to perfect it. Don't worry, I'm not about to post his link. There's a fine line between being mean and being MEAN! People need to stop pointing their righteous finger and realize that they'd think the exact same thing I was thinking if they stumbled across this page. The only difference is I'm writing about it. Which makes me an actualized meanie and makes you a closet meanie. Step out into the light meanies!

So back to Ugly Boy. I just got home from basketball and I decided to visit Ugly Boy's page again because I thought I'd give him a second chance and see past the cover and actually read his blog. Guess what, he took the picture down!! So not only is he ugly but he's also fast. There's nothing on his blog now but a picture of some devil.

You had to have seen this picture. This guy had a giant picture of him and his sister (I'm assuming) and the sad part was that the picture totally cut off his sister's head. All you could see was the top of her head and eyes. I think if he had included more of her in the picture it would have taken focus off of him.

Now here's the scary part. For a person that ugly to post a giant picture of themself, he/she has to have high self-esteem. We all know self-esteem is greatly influenced by our surrounding environment. Now I'm pretty ugly myself but I'm surrounded by average people so my self-esteem isn't quite as tattered and torn. This guy has to be surrounded by some really ugly people to think that he can post a giant supermodel picture of himself. Just think, there's a small town of uglies out there.

I know I'm going to hell for this.

I'll trade you black stools for your Wayne Gretzky card.
(No Doubt - Sunday Morning)

So I’ve been taking my anti-inflammatory drugs like a good boy for the past 2 weeks and thankfully I haven’t experienced any of the anal bleeding side effects outlined in the little info pamphlet they gave me. In addition I haven’t had any black stools and vomit that looks like coffee grounds. In retrospect, this seems like an unfair trade for just reducing inflammation in my strained tendons and ligaments -- but what do I know.
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I finally finished my poker table. The project took me about a year. One day to come up with the idea, a week to contemplate the design, 11 months to procrastinate, another week to psych myself up, 5 days to gather all my supplies, 2 days to actually build it. Pictures will be up as soon as I re-install my digital camera software. (Damn western-digital hard drives.)
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I wish my bedroom was big enough to cover with foam and put a mechanical bull in the middle. I also wish I had spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle.
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I know it’s not exactly what you expected but things rarely are when they have anything to do with me. Deal with it.

I want to be your storm.
(Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved)

It's not always rainbows and butterflies.
It's compromise that moves us along.
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So I'm sitting here waiting for inspiration to hit me like hurricane Ivan and all I'm getting is a tropical depression. You know, I find I write better when I'm just sitting around without much to do. This week I've been on training during the day and at night I've been playing bball/vball and working on my poker table. Hence, I've fallen a bit behind on blogging. Next week will be much better, I promise.

Boys dream about being part of a sports team all their lives. Girls dream about planning their wedding and being part of a team of two.

I never understood the obsession until now...

Sharing is Caring but Caring is Creepy
(Coldplay - Don't Panic)

So Vanessa tells me about her guy friend who got dumped by a girl through a text message. Now this strikes me as completely surprising because that’s the sort of thing guys are known for, not girls. Actually, let me backup on that – immature guys are known for this, not all guys. I think in highschool and early parts of university these stories wouldn’t be uncommon but in your late 20’s?

I think my worst dumping was in grade 8 when a girl dumped me over the phone. It went something like this…

Girl : I’m breaking up with you.
Me : Ok.
Girl : Bye.
Me : Bye.

Since then I’ve never had a breakup go that smoothly but that’s another blog altogether.

A friend of mine broke up with a girl in university by writing a letter and sliding it underneath her room door. I’d imagine it went something like this…

Dear Blah-Blah-Blah,

Although we’ve had some great times and moments, like that time I held your hair as you puked on my shoes in the club, our time in the sun has passed. I think we should see other people. I would have told you this in person but I was drunk that night we proclaimed our love for each other and I can’t recall what you look like. You did however leave me your room number. I just didn’t want to knock and end up breaking up with your roommate by mistake.

One last moment savouring what we had…

From this moment on I will erase all memory of you to make this transition easier.

Sincerely,
Yada-Yada

Or maybe not...
...

So why are we so cruel to each other?

I think no matter how ugly a relationship can be and how much uglier it can get during a break-up, it should always be done face to face. If that’s not physically possible then the next most personable medium (phone?) should be used.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Bitten by the Bad Karma Chameleon
(Electronic - Twisted Tenderness)

I’m on anti-inflammatory meds and wearing a splint for my sprained wrist. Though I don’t think it’s sprained but rather my tendonitis flaring up again. Either way my wrist is super sore. This splint doesn’t look very attractive either. I wish I was in the professional wrestling industry though cuz I could put this splint to use by hitting people over the head with it. Or I could use it to crush that stupid hard drive that failed on me 2 nights ago. My most recent backup was about a year ago and so I’ve basically lost a year’s worth of data.

Woe is me.

So yeah…this is the bad karma that I’m talking about. It hasn’t been the best of weeks but the sun is out, tomorrow is Friday, I’m loved and my grape stem tree is still alive. Things are never really as bad as they seem.

All the things you said to me today, changed my perspective in every way.
(Sarah Cracknell - Judy, Don't You Worry)

You know how when you see food on tv and you get hungry or when you see porn on tv and you get horny? The US Open is on tv and I’ve been itching to play more tennis than usual. So I played last week and hurt my wrist…which was still sore from the time I watched porn. I guess it’s time I made use of our wonderful healthcare system and got it checked out.
...

I’m finally going to start building my poker table this week. No more delaying, no more procrastination. I hope I don't accidentally saw off any body parts. It's been awhile since I took shop class.
...

On the topic of gambling, I’m eating leftover dim sum from Friday afternoon. I’m not sure how long before this stuff goes bad in the fridge but I’m hoping it’s not 4 days. What’s the general rule of thumb for refrigerated leftovers?
...

Montreal Thanksgiving weekend, be there or be square!

Day 3 : Tree Update...
(Simon and Garfunkle - The Only Boy Living in NY)

The tree is still alive but it’s starting to sag to the left a little. I finally have a picture and I’ll post it when I get home tonight.
...

When trying to solve the problem of women, there are always too many variables to figure out. When trying to solve the problem of men, there are only a few variables and sex is usually one of them. Food might be the other one.
...

You know what’s sucks? – the World Poker Tour (WPT). I hate the fact that they’ve made poker into pop culture on tv and they’ve basically got everyone and their moms thinking that they’re poker pros.

I hate sitting down at a table with some moron sitting next to me preflop raising his J9 offsuit in early position and being smug about it. The upside is that there's more satisfaction taking money from smug people.

I also hate playing with those people who obviously think that it’s a game of complete luck and that if they keep putting in more money that eventually their luck will turn around. These people are usually also the same people who can't afford to sit at a poker table and lose large sums of money. Last weekend I saw a guy put in at least $600. $200 of which went to me. Thanks but no thanks buddy, you should be worrying about your mortgage and your family. There’s no satisfaction taking money from these types of people.

Subconscious Premeditated Rambling
(Thievery Corporation - Lebanese Blonde)

I was so surprised to see my grape stem tree still alive this morning. I gave it some water today because the play-doh base was drying out. I hope it lasts through this upcoming weekend.

You know what would be great? If the stem magically sprouted like Jack’s bean stalk over the weekend and I walked into the office to see a tree growing up from my desk, through the skylight above me and up through the clouds.

I probably wouldn’t climb it though knowing that there would be some man-eating giant up in the clouds waiting for me. Even the gold-laying goose couldn’t entice me. I think gold is sort of going out of style these days anyhow. Last I heard girls were looking for platinum engagement rings. I wonder if this is due to inflation.
...

Someone at my company’s head office won the powerball $97 million lottery last week. One of my housemates from university won a $1 million lottery the a few years ago. What does this all mean?

1) You should aspire to know me because people who know me win the lottery.
2) I will never win the lottery because you assholes keep winning it.

I want to stick my head out of the car of life and scream at the top of my lungs.
(The Shins - New Slang)

I made another grape stem tree for my desk. It really livens things up on my desk,
though it blocks part of the view to my monitor. If I had my digital camera with me
today I’d take a picture for you. It’s like a mini bonsai except with fruit flies
flying around it.
...

My grandmother, aunt and uncle are coming up from the states to visit this long weekend. They’ll be meeting SOS (significant other Sonia) for the first time. This will be girlfriend #3 that they’ve met in recent years. It isn’t too big of a deal but I have to wonder if they think that I’m some sort of playboy or if they think I’m just bad with women. I don’t know which one of those titles would be worse.
...

Wanted -- a female setter in the Toronto area to play in a co-ed competitive volleyball league. Must know how to play 6-2 or 5-1 and how to give massages to aging 28-year-old men whose better sports years are behind them.
...

I could’ve won a week cruise to Mexico the other night in a 338 person poker tournament. I didn’t want to go to Mexico so I tanked it and finished 4th and took a cash prize instead. Anyone been to Mexico? Should I have stayed in and competed for that trip?

Eventually It All Comes Full Circle
(Zero 7 - In The Waiting Line)

I made a miniature tree out of grape stems and play-doh on Friday. I decorated it with tacks and paper clips. Today I came into the office and the stem had wilted and was sagging in its play-doh pot. I’ve never been able to nurse plants. Any plants I’ve ever had in my care have wilted and died. Back in elementary school when we would plant seeds for science class and tracked their progression over the weeks, my plant would always be the slowest to grow and the first one to die. I don’t have much of a green thumb. I can’t even keep a fake miniature tree alive.
...

I got my new retro Reebok hats last week and I decided to wear it all weekend while I played poker at the CNE casino. I now remember why I don’t wear hats too often. My forehead is breaking out like a pubescent teen who loves chocolate. I did however win at poker so I guess I can afford to buy some acne cream.
...

I’m finding it hard to carry my pda, digital camera, cell phone, iPod and wallet everywhere I go these days. I might soon have to join the messenger bag clique. For awhile I just stuffed everything in my pockets so I looked like the kid after Halloween that would stuff his pockets full of candy before he went to school. And every now and then I have my cell phone in my pocket and I know people want to crack the, “Is that a cell phone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” joke. To which I’ve got the, “I’m happy to see you, my penis just happens to be shaped like a cell phone. LONG distance calls only.” reply ready. That reply was funnier in my head.

Hand me that remote, all that stuff is a sideshow.
(The Shins - Caring is Creepy)

It really is isn't it?
...

I was commenting earlier to Sonia how my parents' peach tree is dead. That it hasn't beared fruit for the last 2 years ever since one of it's main branches was broken in a storm. Then I noted to her how our cherry tree is finally bearing fruit but the birds keep eating them but leaving the seeds behind still attached to the stem and tree. I guess in a way that's sort of like how I leave empty bags of milk in the fridge. I think I'll stop that habit starting today.

I digress.

It would seem as though 2 out of the 3 fruit trees that we have, the other being a pear tree, are fruits that I'm allergic too. I couldn't help but wonder that, if my parents knew I was allergic to those fruits, would they still have planted those trees or would they have chosen some other fruit trees. It would be a nice gesture if they did. I think it's these little things that we do for each other that are the ultimate expression of love.

Maybe my dad really killed the peach tree and my mom actually eats all the cherries and leaves the pits. I know they love me.
...

Memorable Quotes...

Andrew - You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? That idea of home is gone. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

Sam - This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has ever done before and that no one will copy throughout human existence. And if nothing else, you will be remembered as the one guy who ever did this. This one thing.

Mark - Don't tease me about my hobbies. I don't tease you about being an asshole.

...

Go see Garden State...unique and intelligent...something we all wish we were.

We’ll take our hearts outside, leave our lives behind and watch the stars come out.
(Blank & Jones – Nightfly)

Sometimes the hardest thing to avoid in life is feeling sorry for yourself. Let’s face it, self-loathing is somewhat addictive. And if you’re going to go down, you want to go down in flames. You want to be the most pathetic bugger out there.

I think feeling sorry for yourself and putting focus on only the negative things in your life is therapeutic. It allows you to deal with some of the woes that you haven’t dealt with yet; it allows you to share some of that burden with the people around you; getting the sympathies that we don’t usually get in our everyday life.

So for all you miserable people out there -- keep being miserable. I mean, at least until you’re ready to be happy. When you’ve dealt with all of it and you’re ready to pick up your life where you left off, call me. I’ll be ready to take you out and we’ll paint the town red.

Just when I thought the lady in the warehouse couldn't possibly look any worse, she went and dyed her hair red and styled it like Albert Einstein. She has now officially lowered her status as "beaten with the ugly stick" to "has a face that could stop a clock".

Crap, was that something in her eye or did she just wink at me?

Spinning On That Dizzy Edge
(The Cure – Just Like Heaven)

I can’t recall how many times I could have been removed from this world and yet somehow I managed to avoid the universe’s extinction agenda.

There was that time when I was about 6 yrs old and my parents let me go out into the backyard during a thunderstorm so I could splash around in the giant puddle underneath our big tree. I’m not sure if the thought ever crossed their mind that lighting + water + big tree = crispy-fried-Khiem. I know it never crossed mine.

Then there was that time I went to a birthday party and nearly drowned in the deep end of that unsupervised swimming pool. As I was standing on the bottom of that pool looking up at my friends frantically trying to figure out what to do, I was calm. I pushed myself back up to the surface and began to swim to the side of the pool. I never learned to swim, I still don’t know how to swim, but I don’t think my mind would ever let me drown.

It’s amazing how our survival instincts work. It’s because of this strong force that keeps me afloat, that I can’t help but wonder why people quit on life. When does life become so unbearable that you stop trying to save yourself? I’d like to think that if I ever got to that point, that someone else would try to save me.

Would you save me from unbearable perils?

Sunshine Coast Fun
(Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out)


Blue skies and black berries.


Rock cod and oysters.


Mini-shark and crab fetishes.


Ling cod and...um...another ling cod.

Expectations always lead you stumbling down a path of poorly paved good intentions.
(Maxi Priest – Wild World)

I said it a year ago and I’ll say it today -- expectations are for the birds. If you stop expecting good things to happen and just enjoy the moment, the moment will be that more rewarding.

I’m as happy as I’ve ever been. I don’t expect this moment to last but I’ve never had anything against pleasant surprises.

...

I’ve had a change of heart recently. I really do like samosa’s. I however, still don’t like “ga lay gai”.

I’m also learning a bit of Cantonese these days.

I am a “lang chai” and Sonia is a “lang luo”!

...

Some people are retarded rude. A Chinese family came into Sonia’s uncle’s restaurant when we were in BC and had a buffet dinner. The buffet dinner was about $8 for adults and $5 for kids. There was about 20 of them there. They asked her uncle for a discount.

You’re eating a buffet for $5 and $8, what sort of discount are you expecting?

Then after her uncle refused to give them a discount, they paid and left without leaving a tip. I guess the waiters and waitresses don’t need a tip for waiting on them while they eat their pricy meal.

People like this should be put on an island somewhere...surrounded by sharks with fricken lasers on their head.

If We Took a Holiday, Took Some Time to Celebrate
(The Strokes - Between Love and Hate)

You know what I hate? Reading blogs that are simple recounts of someone’s weekend/week. And I’m about to do the exact same thing I hate so I’ll try and make this as brief and to the point as possible.

First 4 Days in BC – The Sunshine Coast
Highlights
- Granville Island (just before we headed to the ferries
- Riding the big BC ferries to the town of Sechelt
- Fishing, oyster picking, clam digging, crab trapping.
- Feeding the bald eagles.
- Cruising davis bay and the inlet in a 17 foot boat.
- Eating our catches at Sonia’s uncle’s restaurant.
- Steamed rock cod, deep fried salty spicy shark, crab, fried oysters and clams.
- Canning fresh salmon to take back to Toronto.
- Watching the sunset over the mountains while skipping rocks on the water.
- Doing a 2 hour hike through a temperate rainforest to the Skukamchuck rapids/whirlpools.
- Picking seaweed.

Last 3 Days in BC – Vancouver, Vancouver Island
- Stanley Park and the Aquarium
- UBC and the Museum of Anthropology
- Grouse Mountain
- The Vancouver Art Gallery (Andy Warhol Exhibit)
- Vancouver Island
- The Butchart Gardens
- Daiso and the bad drivers in Richmond.
- Dinner at some Thai restaurant in Yaletown.

Observations
- In Vancouver people buy used adult magazines; sticky pages and all.
- The roads are a lot narrower and people drive much slower.
- Unmarked cop cars are really unmarked.
- Sashimi is fresher than me on a first date.
- The city is basically a smaller version of Toronto with a mountain backdrop.
- I want to retire to the Sunshine Coast one day.
- Seagulls on Granville Island look like well-fed chickens.
- Wild blackberries grow everywhere.
- They taste great and I’m mildly allergic to them.
- Richmond is the home of Canada’s worst drivers.
- Gas and house prices are ridiculously high. Cheapest gas price I found was 79.9. My parent’s house here in Toronto would cost somewhere around $800 000 in Vancouver. I could never afford to live in Vancouver.

Overall it was a great vacation. The city of Vancouver is just like a smaller version of Toronto and I wasn’t as impressed with the city as much as I was impressed with the Sunshine Coast. The pace of life on the Sunshine Coast seemed very lax like myself. The sunsets are beautiful. The people are nice. The fishing and seafood are amazing.

Hopefully I can make this a yearly trip with Sonia to BC.

I know you're expecting an update but I'm too tired tonight. Here are some photos to hold you off until then...



Sunsets are beautiful on the Sunshine Coast of BC.



We saw a lot of beautiful weather on our vacation.




Jellyfish rock. Feeding the bald eagles friggin rocks!

Damn You Fruits!
(Madonna - Holiday)

So apparently I have Oral Allergy Syndrome according to Vanessa. No that doesn’t mean I’m allergic to oral sex.

Here’s a list of my kryptonite.

1) Cherries
2) Apples
3) Peaches
4) Apricots
5) Plums
6) Almonds

Symptoms include rapid onset of itching of the lips, mouth, or pharynx, swelling of the lips, tongue throat, and palate, and crying/whining like a baby.
…

By this time tomorrow I will be in Vancouver basking in the sun and warm weather with Sonia. I apologize ahead of time for my lack of bloggage over the next week. Pretend it’s a very long awkward silence.

So…

Melodrama for your Mama.
(Lauryn Hill - Killing Me Softly)

Top 5 : Two things that shouldn’t go together but more often than not do.

1) Melodrama and a big mouth.
2) Dumb athletes and camera time.
3) Intelligent peope and pretention.
4) Village idiots and weapons (at least in the US).
5) Underwear and my ass crack.

Bassmasters
(Chantal Kreviazuk - Surrounded)

I just had the most awkward conversation with one of my managers. I was in the bathroom and just about to leave when he came in and started talking to me about his computer. Eventually he made his way over to one of the stalls and sat down and I thought the conversation was over. Then as I was creeping closer to the door to try and make my get away, he started a new topic! So here I am with the door propped half-way open because I was about to leave and he’s asking me what I normally shoot on the golf course. Then he said that we should get a group together in the office and go golfing one of these days.

I believe there’s a code in the guys washroom that forbids any type of conversation while doing #2. I feel a bit violated and dirty.
…
Saturday I enjoyed an evening picnic with Sonia while watching Shakespeare in the park. To be honest I’m not a big Shakespeare fan. The language is distracting and the story is often a bit too melodramatic. We watched As You Like It and it was exceptionally done by a group of very talented actors. The language was still Shakespearian but the music and the set was modernized. I was quite surprised at how much I enjoyed it. I think it definitely had something to do with the company I was keeping. Here are some pictures.




This Week’s Picnic Tip : Don’t bring sushi that’s going to melt in the sun. It’s not very appetizing.

This Week’s Shakespeare in the Park Tip : If you’re wearing a funny looking hat, look for others who are wearing funny hats so you can sit together and start a funny hat’s only section.
…
Sunday. This may have been our best fishing day ever. You guys are in for a bass bonanza!

Next week – saltwater fishing on the coast of British Columbia.

Jolly good.


Bassmaster Tom <-- and --> Bassmaster Khiem.


Thankfully we brought the net. <-- --> This fish has a tumour that bears an uncanny resemblance to Dan's head.


Bassmaster Dan. Making it look easy.


I think Tom swallowed the hook. <-- --> When the fish weren't splashing, the baby deer were.

Note what's on my right arm. It's a Cure pin. I got 3 of them free with the purchase of their new album. They're also here in concert on Monday. If all goes well maybe I'll be there.

You've been duped...
(OLP - Thief)

Shaky - "If you wrote an objective, honest evaluation of your own personality and made it public to the world, would you feel as naked as I would feel? Could you even write an objective, honest evaluation of yourself or would you lie? "

Self-Esteem - "Would you know if I lied?"

Shaky - "Why lie? If you don’t understand yourself, how do you expect anyone else to understand you?"

Self-Esteem - "Stop kidding yourself, we’re all strangers to each other. "

Endless Spiral of Self-Deprecation
(UB40 - Red Red Wine)

I’m sleepy and I’m hungry. If I eat, I’ll probably get sleepier. If I sleep, I’ll get fired. What a shitty combination.
…
My efforts to stop shaking my knee seem to be working. I’m a lot more aware of it which gives me the chance to consciously stop it. However, I think I’m cracking my knuckles on a more frequent basis now. I think if I try to stop cracking my knuckles as well I’ll likely pick up a new annoying habit like smoking.

Look what I’ve started. It’s like an endless spiral of self-deprecation.
…
I bought the new Cure cd a few weeks ago and I got 3 free pins from them. Sweetness to the extreme! Then on top of that earlier this week Best Buy had some crazy sale where I got the Coldplay Live DVD and CD for $9.99. The regular price is $23.99! I don’t usually like to shop but damn I’m having some good shopping karma lately. I bet if I stop off at the adult video store on the way home to buy a movie, they’ll throw in some free hand sanitizer and some moist towelettes as well!
…
Having a rough day? Someone sent me this today…I think it’ll cheer you all up…

POSITIVE THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
When you feel that nobody loves you,
Nobody cares for you,
And everyone is ignoring you,
You should start asking yourself…

Am I TOO sexy?

I'm just your ordinary, average, everyday sick psycho.

Never compromise your own integrity to be nice to those without integrity.
(Morcheeba - World Looking In)

Don't stop just yet
We've got the world looking in
Our Window

...
I know nice guys always finish last but I don't have to be a graceful loser.

You've screwed me over for the last time. I won't forget (neither will Karma).

Civic Holiday Cartwheels
(Three Doors Down - Away From The Sun)

I think I pulled a muscle while attempting to do a cartwheel at work; and the important one too – the groin muscle. I’m not as limber as I used to be.

Remember when you were younger and you could do ridiculous things with your body, like touching your toes, without throwing out your back? God, I miss those days. I remember I also used to break dance as a kid. If I attempted any of those moves today, I’d definitely be breaking something.

This long weekend is packed with activities -- the Vince Carter charity game, drinking, dancing, movies, poker, beach volleyball, bbq’s, golf, fishing, birthday dinners, etc. Oh man, just the thought of all these fun events makes me want to do another cartwheel. Stupid groin muscle.

Have a great weekend!

I woke up one morning and found out I turned Cambodian. I gotta start wearing sunscreen... 

Karma will make sure you get what you deserve and deserve what you get. 
(The Cranberries - Twenty One)

There's this fire that's burning at the core of a paper mill and it's threatening to burn down the entire building.  You first grab the nearest fire extinguisher to try and put out the initial spark but you're too late.  So you start running around looking for a telephone to call the fire department.  Then, just before you start dialing 9-1-1, you wonder if the company is getting what it deserves for cutting down those trees -- some sort of bad tree karma.  And you let it burn; slowly watching every last ember fade into the night. 

Don't fuck with karma.

Redo, Retry, Rerun

So we were driving back from our camp trip a few weeks ago and we were stuck in traffic.  A few cars in front of me in the other lane there was this car towing a horse wagon.  (Is that what they’re called?  If they aren’t, then that’s what they should be called.)  Now horses seem like such beautiful creatures.  They have long legs, a silky smooth coat and they are extremely elegant in their movements.  But the truth is, any sort of beauty is lost as soon as you see someone take a shit.  I mean, here we are on the highway and this horse lifts it’s tail up and dumps a hot steaming load onto the highway.  It’s a good thing the guy behind that wagon wasn’t tailgating.  He might have had to drive home with a load of horse shit on top of his hood.  There’s something that would definitely be handy for James Bond if he had to drive through Toronto – a horse shit ejector in the back of his Aston Martin, to keep people from tailgating him.
...

Remember in Spiderman when Mary Jane asked Peter to kiss her once to see if he had any feelings for her?  I’m just wondering, if you’re in that position and you’ve just had onions for lunch, or you went to dim sum and you’ve got some bok-choi (Chinese greens) stuck in between your teeth; can you take some sort of rain check on that?  It’s sort of like when you play monopoly and your dice rolls off the board, you get a redo.  I think that’s only fair for both players.  I doubt either one of the two people involved would feel “it” with a piece of bok-choi in the way.

Mary Jane – “Kiss me once and tell me you don’t feel anything for me.”
Peter Parker – “Do you have a toothpick and some gum?”
Mary Jane – “No I don’t.  Just kiss me.”
Peter Parker – “Can I take a rain check?  I’m not feeling very…fresh right now.”
Mary Jane – “I’m getting married tomorrow!”
Peter Parker – “I’ll have fresh breath and white teeth tomorrow!”
Mary Jane – “Forget it.”
Peter Parker – “But I had bok-choi for lunch!”
Mary Jane – “What the hell is bok-choi?”
Peter Parker – “They’re Chinese greens and they get between your teeth sometimes.”
Mary Jane – “I’ll bok-choi you if you don’t kiss me!”
Peter Parker – “I just can’t.”
Mary Jane – “I don’t understand you at all Peter Parker.”

Casting Shadows On An Endless Circle
(DJ Seto - Rebirth) (in heavy rotation)

Every morning it’s the same.  The alarm clock beeping; the wake-up shower; letting my dog out for his morning shit; gathering my stuff; driving to work; slowing down near the corner of Britannia Road and Mississauga Road to avoid a speeding ticket from Mr. Sneaky Policeman; walking into work exactly 1-2 minutes late; answering all my emails; and sluggishly working through my “To Do List”.

It’s routine and I hate it. 

I want to wake up and have the sun rise from the west.
I want to wake up and work through my “To Don’t List”.
I want to wake up knowing that I’m not going to be awkward today.
I want to wake up in the morning not knowing what’s around the next corner.

I so desperately need to get away. 

The return of Cleaky Squean the dyslexic janitor.
(DJ Seto - Rebirth)

I’ve been a little busy lately both socially and at work; which usually means I neglect some of the things I really enjoy; like music, reading and writing.  (Am I starting to sound like an education commercial yet?)  I’m more lethargic and slower than I usually am and at times I feel as though I’m at a loss for words.  I can actually see a slight delay in my responses to people.  If this keeps up any longer, I’m going to be one of those dumb people I usually make fun of.  That’s got to be a real bummer when you start turning into people you usually make fun of.  So I’m taking a few minutes out of my work day to just jot some things down and to exercise this extremely underdeveloped brain of mine. Hopefully I’ll have some more things to write in the next few days…

I want you to sigh and fall apart.
(The Cure - The End of the World)
 
This just in - my sister is a looooooooser.  I arrived home yesterday from my camping trip only to find this email in my inbox.
 
Yesterday I bought an Astro Boy watch for $5.  It made me happy.  Then a bird pooped on my head.  : )
 
An
...
In other news, my good friend Noriyuki Yumiyama is going back to Japan to work for 6 months.  Seeing how his girlfriend never lets us see him while he's here in the city, at least now he has a legitimate excuse for his absence in our lives.  May Japan slap some sense in you my good friend. 
...
I like Tahiti Treat.  It makes my teeth red and my stomach jump with glee.
...
Sonia hates bacon but I love it.  One day when she's sleeping I'm going to wake up early and make her breakfast with lots of fruits, whip cream and bacon.  Then I'm going to surprise her with this breakfast of champions.  When she refuses to eat the bacon I will suggest putting the hot bacon on her body instead.  Then I'm going to eat the bacon off her body and make irresistable chewing noises.  All this passion and romance will drive her insane and she will have no choice but to love bacon just as I do.  Mmmmm bacon.

Education is so underrated…except when you pay an arm and a leg for a degree and companies won't hire you because you lack "experience"
(Metric - Dead Disco)

I like to keep my English skills as sharp as possible so I get these "word of the day" emails every morning as well as check dictionary.com on a regular basis. Here’s my latest word site to keep my brain growing.

urbandictionary.com

Today’s Words are : Geard and Choda

Stay educated people!!

The roof is on fire...
(Heart - These Dreams)

So a storm was brewing last night and the thunder and rain was so severe that everyone in the office was talking about it. Too bad I had no recollection of it. I'm a dead sleeper. However, I did have a coincidental dream about being in a warehouse with Sonia staring out the window at 6 tornadoes that had touched down. I don't usually remember my dreams but this one for some reason or another stuck around til I woke up in the morning. I guess even though I'm a heavy sleeper, my mind isn’t completely asleep if it's able to translate a storm outside my house into a storm inside my dreams. I find that fucken fascinating, don't you? It’s sort of like having spidey senses while you're asleep! Now if only I could wake myself up when I sense danger.

I recall once when I was in a high rise building and they had a fire on the floor just above me. The alarms sounded and they evacuated the building. My parents woke me up to leave the building. I was of course the last one up and the most reluctant to leave. As I groggily walked towards the door, after my parents and sisters had walked out, I calmly locked the door and went back to bed. It wasn't until a few minutes later when my parents came back banging on the door did I finally get up and leave.

I would make a horrible Spiderman. I mean I can sense danger but my reaction to danger is somewhat...what’s the word...RETARDED. I'm also deathly afraid of heights so there would definitely be no climbing walls or swinging between skyscrapers. I don't even like tight clothing. Bahhh, I can't relate to Spiderman at all!

I sprained a finger on each of my hands. I got about 15 mosquito bites on each foot between my toe knuckles during my fishing trip on the weekend. Now my toes and fingers look like cabbage patch kid digits. Woe is me.

I was scratching between my toes at work today. I told them I was trying to make some cottage cheese for lunch. I think my co-workers were a little bit grossed out.

We're all of us the fabricators of the human dream's next REM cycle.
(Neil Diamond - Sweet Caroline)

The winds of change are whipping up a storm; severe weather advisory in effect.

I'm in the midst of breaking a habit that’s been part of my life as long as I can remember. This will be one of the most difficult changes I've ever had to do. I'm giving up the shakes. That is, I'm trying to stop being so fidgety. I tend to shake my knees when I'm nervous, on edge, or bored. I'm trying to take note of when I do it now so that I can stop. If you happen to be around me and you see me shaking my knee, please let me know!

However with this change, I have no intention of retiring my nickname "Shaky Jake". I will forever be known as Shaky!

Next thing to change will be my knuckle cracking…
...
I was just in my workplace kitchen and there's some sort of dried fruit on the table, possibly apricots that someone has brought in to share. I generally don’t have a problem with dried fruits. I've had yummy dried apple slices, dried raisins and even dried pineapples. Dried apricots however have a striking resemblance to the female body part that starts with C and rhymes with litoris. There is no way I'm going to be chewing on something that resembles that in public.

I bet if I was licking on it a lot of women would be very aroused. Sort of like how guys react when they see a woman eating a banana in public.
...
So I've finally finished organizing our yearly camp trip. This year was a little bit crazy because we have a few new people and the largest camp group I've ever organized for. Thirty five unruly people all together. This is either a recipe for a lot of fun or a recipe for disaster. I hope it's the former.

I'm excited just thinking about all the bush picture opportunities I'll have!

fishing license - $20, boat rental - $80, fishing tackle - $100, 30+ fish caught and 0 harmed - priceless!